Community leadership is one of the most beautiful, impactful, and joyful roles a human can take on. There are few greater feelings than seeing someone find belonging in a space that you’ve created.
It’s bliss.
But leading a community is a complex and difficult role. The blissful moments rise from the soil of emotional, gritty work. Few understand all the challenges of leading a community unless they’ve been through it themselves.
Stop me if any of this sounds familiar:
- Your community never sleeps, and so you’re always “on”
- Conflict arises between members and it takes an enormous emotional toll on you
- You’re balancing keeping your community intimate with financial security and growth
- You do your best to be inclusive, but the fear of messing up (and being called out) is always looming
- You’re still running a number of community programs that you no longer feel energized by, but feel obligated to keep alive
- You’re exhausted by all the backend work of keeping the community operating, and you don’t have enough help
- You never truly know if your community is “working” because it’s so hard to measure
- Your old pal burnout is lurking around the corner, but the guilt of stepping away from your community to take time for yourself weighs heavy
- You know that one day you’ll want to step down from your leadership role, but you feel an obligation to the community to keep going
- Most of all… you’re navigating a lot of this alone
These are just some of the challenges I’ve faced over 22 years of launching and leading communities, starting with gaming communities in my teens and eventually starting three startups and leading a number of community teams at fast-growing startups.
And I haven’t just lived this experience, I’ve seen thousands of other community leaders live it through my experience cofounding, leading, and ultimately selling CMX, a community and in-person conference for 20,000+ community professionals.
As a coach and consultant, I’ve advised some of the world’s largest brands (Meta, Google, Airbnb) as well as many small community businesses and startups (Gage Strength Training, Prenda, The Tech Tribe, Sphero, Flashpack, Vena…to name a few).
These challenges show up for everyone who answers the call for community.
Let’s go deeper…
All of the above are just the external struggles that we navigate as community leaders.
Underneath are the internal struggles that we navigate: The unhelpful stories we believe about ourselves and others that, as we navigate the community seas, can cause a great deal of suffering.
I learned this the hard way. Perhaps some of these stories will feel familiar to you, or maybe you have your own stories:
- I have a deep fear of loneliness
- I’m a people pleaser and will change myself to get people to like me
- I avoid conflict and am uncomfortable when people around me are fighting
- I get stuck in perfectionism and idealism, unable to make decisions and delegate
- I need to be seen as “the good guy” and struggle to tune into my own values
- I like to win, love the thrill of competition, and avoid the sting of loss
- I have a fear of not having enough money
- I tie my identity closely to my work and struggle to know my true self
- I believe at my core that “I am not enough”, and use these stories to fill that hole
It’s taken many years of work with therapy, coaches, meditation, and other practices, to recognize these stories within myself. They were the “dirty fuel” that drove me to achieve a lot of success and have a lot of positive impact but also caused a lot of unnecessary suffering.
Our stories, when left unchecked, can cause suffering in three areas:
- In ourselves: Of course, these stories never made me feel like I’m enough, and instead caused me anxiety, depression, and ultimately led to burnout.
- In our relationships: My need for reputation caused me to center myself at the expense of my teammates, partners, and community leaders. My competitiveness made it hard to collaborate. My conflict avoidance led me to avoid hard conversations.
- In our communities: By modeling this behavior, I unconsciously influenced the culture of the communities I led.
When in a position of community leadership, we have a great responsibility to know ourselves because our stories become the stories of the community. Our values become the community’s values. Our biases and patterns become the community’s biases and patterns.
And look, it’s not all suffering. These stories aren’t inherently good or bad. They’re human. They’re us. In my case, they led me to do a lot of good in the world. But when we’re blind to our stories, and we can’t see how they’re causing suffering, eventually they catch up to us. They lead us to burn out. They lead to community conflict. They hinder our communities from reaching their fullest expression.
But there’s a better way…
A conscious approach to community leadership
Conscious leadership isn’t a new concept but it has been notably absent from the world of community leadership.
Building on the definition offered by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Klemp, here’s how I define this work:
Conscious community leadership emphasizes self-awareness, authenticity, and a deep understanding of the interconnectedness of individuals and communities. Conscious community leaders are mindful of their own thoughts, emotions, and actions, and they strive to create positive and sustainable communities.
The support I offer as your coach sits at this intersection of “community work” and “inner work”:
Community work: The “external” work of leading community, facilitating engagement, empowering leaders, managing conflict, measuring engagement, starting or sunsetting programs, navigating a transition out of leadership, etc.
Inner work: The “internal” work of getting to know yourself, recognizing your stories and how they get projected onto the community, and learning how to show up with your whole self, confidently, and with clarity.
Each of these practices feed into each other. Our communities provide us with windows into who we are. And by learning who we are, we can show up as more conscious community leaders.
It’s from this place of self-awareness, love, and acceptance, that you and your community can reach its full expression. You’ll experience a shift in how you show up to all of the external challenges we talked about above. You’ll be building a community that truly honors and values who you are and who your members are.
This is the support I wish I had throughout my journey. I found consultants and mentors to guide me with the community work. Coaches, therapists, and teachers helped me with inner work. But no one could help me integrate the two.
My calling is to provide this integrated practice for the next generation of community leaders.
Who I work with
I work with community leaders who are usually at one of three stages that make up the “community leadership journey”:
- Creation: Designing a new community program – We work together to intentionally design a new community that will, hopefully, lead to a thriving, meaningful membership experience.
- Leadership: Growing and facilitating an active community – We work together to help you show up fully and consciously, with confidence and clarity, as you navigate all the pieces of leading an active community.
- Transition: Stepping out of a leadership role or making a change in ownership – We work together to navigate the various paths you can take as you transition your community, or your role as the leader of your community, into a new chapter.
Your community may be big or small, online or offline, live or asynchronous, centralized or decentralized… I enjoy working with most versions of community.
I primarily work with businesses where community is a core priority and an end in its own right. If the business is aiming to use community to sell or support another product, I can recommend other consultants who specialize in enterprise communities like this.
I work with community leaders who are naturally self-reflective and have a genuine intention to explore inner work alongside community work. If you’re only looking for tactics and playbooks, I’m probably not the right coach for you (I’d be happy to introduce you to an incredible consultant).
I won’t know all the answers. My job is to help you find the truths within yourself about the community you want to bring into the world, and how you want to show up as a leader. Where it fits, I will also share my experience and learnings, and offer templates and tools to help you along the way.
Client testimonials:
“I’ve worked with a lot of consultants in all types of different areas of focus, and this was my most interesting and meaningful work I’ve done.“
– Devin Gage, Founder of Gage Strength Training
“David is the most special kind of coach. I don’t even know how to describe him to people. His ability to listen, REALLY listen, and ask thoughtful questions is unlike any coach I’ve ever worked with. I appreciated the ways he gently challenged me and the meditative practices he introduced me to. I’m coming out with a deeper awareness of the stories I tell myself, and an ability to see my parts with greater empathy. Working with David opened up a whole new world of self-discovery and growth for me. It was an absolute honor.”
– Danielle Letayf, CEO & Founder, Badassery
Coaching structure:
I work with 6-9 clients at a time.
Generally, I work with individuals and calls are done 1-1. I’m also open to working with teams on a collective need.
You may be paying for coaching yourself, or your company may be paying, but you are my client and my commitment is to you as a person. All conversations are 100% confidential.
Price: My average monthly retainer is $1,800/month.
The retainer includes:
- default of two calls per month (when you need more, we will do more at no additional cost)
- unlimited asynchronous support via email and text
- all preparation and post-call work
I don’t require an upfront commitment for any amount of time. You can choose to end the coaching relationship at any point.
If you’re interested in working together, please get in touch and tell me more about you, and what you’re looking for in coaching. If it looks like a good potential fit, we will schedule a “chemistry call” to get to know each other and determine if there’s a good mutual match.